A Tale of 3 Stars
by Infinity-R-Us
Summary: What happens when the crew of Star Trek Voyager and the group from Stargate Atlantis suddenly find themselves on the Millennium Falcon?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: _Diabolical Pink Bunny (and hubby) and Meagra Solace would like to apologise in advance for the crackness and total ludicracy of this story. We got together and thought 'what if...' And can you believe it, we were sober at the time! But there was garlic snails and apple pie involved. We disturbingly present: A Tale of 3 Stars. Ta-daaa!!!!!

_PS:_ Rodney tried to explain the math behind all of this, and he really did get it figured out. He tried to explain it to us, but after too much coffee and no pie we were no closer to understanding it. We do suffer from caffeine poisoning at the moment though....

_PPS:_ And sorry about the spider. Family politics made us do it. Just be happy it's not another cockroach.

_PPPS:_ Oh, yeah, we do not own any of the Stars (Gate, Trek or Wars), although Meagra Solace did try to steal Rodney for her own nefarious purposes.

**Chapter 1**

They. Were. Bored. After ten thousand years of having the same friend, they had finally run out of things to say to one another. And when women get bored, they have to entertain themselves somehow. And omnipotent beings can get _very_ creative.

Athar – ascended Ancient and Q – the female Q, had been friends for many millennia. Today was their annual spa-day. Even perfect beings need a personal day. Over green tea the conversation had turned to the bipedal beings they had to baby-sit.

"I still can't believe John didn't choose to ascend and stay with me! I'm blaming Rodney." Athar delicately snorted. "And I still can't believe Teer slept with him. She should have known better! I saw him first!"

Q looked over at her friend. Athar might not be a Q, but she has achieved a plane of existence nearly as perfect as her own. Just too bad she still had this abhorrent fascination with humans.

"My dear, they are so beneath you!" she replied. She sipped her tea, about the only thing worthwhile ever produced on that inferior planet called Earth. So original.

Athar raised a perfect eyebrow. "We had a perfect sharing. He was perfect in every way." She looked away dreamily. "You wouldn't understand."

Q looked at her friend, unable to understand this human side of her. "My dear, Q and I have just shared the most unique experience in the Q continuum." She too looked away dreamily. "We procreated." Her expression hardened. "Just too bad Q first wanted to share the experience with that human female."

Athar snorted and nearly spilled her tea. "You think you have problems with Janeway? She is nothing compared to Meredith Rodney McKay! That man is a walking migraine."

"Well, at least Rodney has never insulted you like that Klingon female has insulted me." Q held out her cup and the attendant hastily refilled it. "If I had my way she would never even have been born!"

"Insulted?" Her voice climbed. "Insulted! That miserable ego-maniac not only insulted me, he ruined my date!" Then she grumbled: "And I'm not even allowed to take revenge!"

Athar looked at Q. Q looked at Athar. A fruitful silence descended and a diabolical plan was hatched. They dreamily smiled at each other – smiles just a little bit on the evil side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Captain's log, supplemental: The trade with the B'Enii had left us with enough energy to last us a few months. Neelix assured us that we would not need to wait that long before finding another planet, though._

The mood in the briefing-room was congenial. The B'Enii had been both hospitable and friendly. For the first time in months everything seemed to go according to plan – such as it was.

Janeway looked at her senior officers gathered around the table. Neelix and Kes were softly whispering to each other. B'Elanna was glaring at Tom and idly Janeway wondered what the pilot had said to the engineer to make her so angry. Probably not that much, she smiled to herself.

To her left sat Tuvok, as silent as only a Vulcan can be. Next to him sat Harry. She regarded him for a moment. The young man was a wonderful addition to the crew, but some things were still difficult for him. Sitting next to Tuvok was probably one of those things. The dark Vulcan completely unnerved the young human.

Next to her, on her right, sat Chakotay, checking some last details on a PADD. The moment he looked up from his work, she cleared her throat. Instantly all attention was focussed on her.

"Gentlemen," she began. But she never got to complete her sentence, as the door _whooshed_ open and the Doctor strolled in, grinning.

"Doctor?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I've decided to join you in person today," he grinned while displaying his mobile-emitter. "I haven't seen that much of _Voyager_, and it is time I get to know the ship that had kept me safe all these years."

She mentally sighed and turned to the officers. There was no way to get rid of the Doctor now.

"Well, gentlemen," she tried again. But once more she was rudely interrupted.

This time it was not by anything as mundane as the Doctor. The briefing room was suddenly filled by a bright white light. Involuntarily they all closed their eyes. In moments the light dissipated to reveal the presence of a lovely young woman dressed in a flowing white dress. She looked at them with a vastly superior frown on her delicate forehead.

"Do be dears and deal with Rodney in a permanent fashion," the woman said before lifting her hands. Bright light danced on her upraised palms.

Suddenly the light expanded – as blindingly white as before.

The world disappeared.

The mood in the briefing-room was vaguely depressing. Weir sighed softly and mentally counted up to ten: she was not particularly looking forward to this briefing.

Yet the morning had started off relatively well. Teyla and Ronon had returned from the main land with fresh fruit for the mess-hall. Rodney had been rather pleased to see an extra large amount of berries they could use as a coffee-substitute.

John had been busy gleefully torturing his marines under the guise of PT-exercises. To top it all off, all three her sub-commanders' reports had been handed in on time today: neatly typed and error-free. They had even attempted to tell the truth concerning the mission to PX-557.

Rodney and Radek were entertaining the gate-crew by driving Kavanagh to an apoplectic fit. The American will never be the same again.

Thus the morning had been going fairly well up to the moment that they were alerted to an incoming wormhole from Stargate Command. Out of the blue horison had stepped Richard Woolsey.

And so they now found themselves, two hours later, stuck in the briefing room with what was turning into the briefing from hell. Woolsey had brought the new rules and regulations from the IOA.

Weir rolled her eyes at the antics of her staff and the obliviousness of Woolsey. Carson and Cadman were playing footsy under the table. It always surprised her how the very stoic Scott could turn so very giddy around the blonde explosives expert.

It seemed as if Rodney and Radek were following the rules and regulations on their screens, but she knew better. She could see by their expressions that Rodney was beating Radek at something. Leaning slightly back in her chair, she could see they were busy with a game of chess on their lap-tops.

John, as usual, was slouching in his chair. His face was turned towards Woolsey and she was pretty sure he was sleeping behind his dark glasses: the slight snores were the biggest give-away.

Teyla was being her serene and calm self, actually listening to the briefing. The only sign that she was not as serene as she wanted to appear, was the slight twitch she got every time Woolsey mentioned mission-reports.

Just as Weir was sure that any moment now Ronon was going to shoot Woolsey (hopefully only with the weapon set on 'stun'), a strange female appeared out of nowhere with a _shwish_ sound. She was dressed in a uniform slightly resembling their own. It was a bit more stream-lined, though, and black.

"Enjoy," the woman cryptically said. Then she snapped her fingers and the briefing room disappeared.

_A long time ago in a galaxy far far away the Empire had suffered its first major defeat with the destruction of the Death Star. Although victorious, the Rebellion has gone into hiding. As the Empire launched a full-out search for all Rebels responsible for the destruction of their Death Star, life for the Rebel forces has turned extremely precarious. In spite of this new onslaught, rumours have spread of a new hope on the horizon..._

"How was I supposed to know this would happen!" Princess Leia yelled at the tall, scruffy man.

Han Solo drew a deep breath and instantly regretted it as the terrible stench assaulted his nostrils. But he had to try to explain to the pretty princess. "Because, your highness," he snapped, "you were the one that made the arrangements for the cargo."

Leia glared at the smuggler. For some reason she always felt like screaming when he was around. So she screamed: "I told Glott we needed fresh meat! What is fresher than that," she angrily demanded as she motioned to the back of the dilapidated rust-bucket that Han Solo insisted was a space ship.

The fresh meat she was referring to in the cargo hold, was a hundred blase tree goats. They were extremely fresh: so fresh they were still alive. She had to admit the smell of the animals was nauseating, but the rebels desperately needed the food. _Nothing_ grew on Hoth.

A little way from the fight Luke was having difficulty concentrating on his exercise. He was once more playing with the little drone Ben Kenobi had given him. His blast helmet blinded him completely, yet he had to block the stinging darts shot from the drone with it on his head. He wished Han and Leia would take their fight somewhere else. He took off the helmet in defeat.

Chewie was commenting on the fight from the pilot-seat. Luke still could not figure out how Han was able to understand the big Wookie.

R2-D2 suddenly came careening down the corridor; sparks flying. The little droid was attempting repairs, but it was proving an impossible task with this old ship.

"Please, this is not helping at all," C-3PO was saying, attempting to make peace between the bickering pair. Luke had to admit: the golden droid really did try. But it was an impossible task. Han and Leia had been at this from the first moment they met.

Just as Leia was drawing a careful breath for her next assault on Han, a bright white light, accompanied by little _shwing_-sounds, blinded them. She heard the strange sound R2 made when he was startled, but she could not tell if he was able to identify the source of the light.

Gradually her sight returned. The weight that had crashed into her had been Han; gallantly trying to shield her from any danger.

"Get off!" she grumbled as she pushed at him.

Then she looked up. Where the blase tree goats had been, eighteen humans now stood. Or at least: sixteen beings that looked human and two that looked almost human. They were looking around in obvious bewilderment.

Then a big male with wild hair looked down at the dung clinging to his boots. "This stinks," he commented.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Seconds after the light had dissipated, Chewie came running, blaster at the ready. As usual, he was screaming at the top of his lungs. It was quite a terrifying sight.

The tall Wookie was brought up short as Ronon whipped out his own blaster and pointed it at the strange and threatening alien. He had no qualms about setting his weapon on 'kill' to remove the perceived threat.

It was a true stand-off, both Ronon and Chewie with their blasters stuck at arms-length in each other's faces. Sheperd heard the familiar sound of Rodney starting to hyper-ventilate. Suddenly both the big men – he assumed the hairy one was a man (call him a chauvinist) – lay crumpled at his feet. Dead ahead stood another tall dark man with pointy-ears, looking...um...not looking anything.

In the background Radek could be heard muttering in Czech. Sheperd wasn't sure he even wanted to know what the dishevelled-looking scientist was saying. Sheperd could not allow this. So he pulled out his own gun and pointed it at the tall dark man.

Han had many faults, but he always stood by his friends, and his friends needed protection right now. Within moments he had his blaster pistol and was pointing it at the shorter, dark-haired man with the strange-looking pistol.

Chakotay wasn't sure how it happened, but the _Voyager_ crew was equipped with their phasers. Within moments he, Tom, Harry and Janeway had their own phasers trained on the threatening beings around them. To his right a young man with a helmet activated a...sword?..with a _whoosh_. B'Elanna was standing at the ready opposite another woman in much the same pose. Only Tuvok seemed calm. He, the hyper-ventilating man and the dishevelled one muttering behind him were not participating in the stand-off. Oh, and the two androids standing to one side.

"You're a Vulcan!" Rodney suddenly burst out as he reached his hyper-ventilating peak. "And you just Vulcan neck-pinched Ronon and Chewie!"

"You know these men?" Janeway asked the high-strung man with the blue shirt.

Rodney looked at Janeway, quite ready to explode once more. Was she kidding him?

"Yes, I know them. And you." He looked around him. "And her, and him, and him and..." he said as he pointed at each individual: Leia, Tuvok, Neelix and the rest.

"McKay!" Sheperd interrupted him. The same time Janeway said: "Sir!" He lowered his arm, but the feeling of total disbelief remained.

"But Sheperd!" he told his friend. "Look at them!"

"I am looking, McKay. And I'm thinking perhaps the coffee at the briefing had been a bit off?"

"Oh, dear," C-3PO muttered in the background, "I do so hate it when things like this happen." R2 beeped at his friend.

Suddenly a man who looked astonishingly like Woolsey shoved a bleeping device in Rodney's face. The man frowned, going "Uh-hmm" a couple of times. Then he looked at Rodney. "Sir, it seems you are suffering from excessive excitement. Please do calm down."

Carson smiled. "See, Rodney, I've been telling you that for years." He looked at the little bald doctor in front of Rodney. Then he frowned, looking at Woolsey.

Janeway frowned, her gaze shifting between the Doctor and a cowering man standing behind a strawberry-blonde woman holding a gun. She was aware that the rest of the _Voyager_ crew was looking at the two men, as well.

Luke saw the confused expressions on the two groups of intruders' faces, and followed their bewildered gazes. He assumed the two groups weren't familiar with one another, so he could understand their confusion. The doctor-guy looked almost exactly like the other bald guy with the glasses.

"Woolsey, have you been keeping secrets?" John drawled. Across from him Tom Paris grinned and added his drawl: "Doctor, it really is a good thing you don't age."

Just then the _Millennium Falcon_'s claxons went off. As one the people gathered in the stinking cargo-hold looked to the front of the hold.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Leia smoothly interjected. "Obviously we're not going to shoot each other. May I suggest we put our weapons aside for the time being and go see what is wrong?"

Janeway and Weir nodded. Rodney threw his hands into the air. "Well, of course. Things are bad now, but naturally something bigger and badder is just waiting to eat us."

Tuvok picked up Ronon and slung him over his shoulders. Everyone looked down at Chewie, but it seemed as if nobody was going to volunteer to carry the big hairy Wookie. Han looked at 3PO and R2. "Stay with Chewbacca," he commanded. He looked at the tall dark man carrying the unconscious barbarian. "You can leave him here," he told the Vulcan. Tuvok set the heavy Satedan back down next to Chewie.

Then Han turned and led the way to the bridge.

After rushing to the bridge, the twenty people realised they had a problem: only about five would fit onto the extremely cramped bridge. Han was already on his seat, and Leia was smugly looking at the crowd behind them, seated at Chewie's station.

Janeway wasn't going to even discuss it. She promptly marched through the crowd and entered the cramped bridge, aware Tuvok was following her. There was no way Tuvok could keep her out, but he wasn't going to let her go in alone, either.

Just as Weir started forward, she felt a hand pulling at her arm. It was John – overprotective – as always. She sighed. She just knew she was going to miss all the fun.

Rodney shoved Zelenka aside and brusquely stepped in behind Tuvok. He only muttered: "I am the smartest man in two galaxies, after all." He looked behind him. "Hmm, make that four galaxies."

The reason for the alarm soon became obvious: outside the rusty ship beautiful creatures were sailing past. "What are they?" Janeway asked in wonder.

"They're Arratys Space-Spiders," Leia dreamily answered.

"Iratus Spiders?" John asked in a squeaky voice, leaning over Rodney's shoulder. Rodney pushed him away, but the colonel ignored his friend.

"No, Arratys," Leia corrected him. "In their wake they leave behind the most exquisite silk treads." She looked at Han Solo. "I will pay you in full if you collect enough silk for a new dress," she told him. Then she turned to look at the beautiful Space-Spiders. They had long, delicate legs and were covered with flashing neon dots. Like whales on certain planets, they played around the _Falcon_, trailing the silk threads that were the most sought-after material in the galaxy.

In the nearly four hours it took to collect enough silk for the princess' dress, Rodney had brought everybody up to speed on who was who and what was going on. It took some explaining and lots of cowering, though, when Ronon and Chewie woke up. It was finally Teyla who shortened Ronon's leash, and Han had to pull on Chewie's facial hair to calm him down.

Right now, Leia, Weir and Janeway were seated around the small table and drinking terrible coffee. Janeway grimaced, but their discussion was much more important than the awful brew. The three women had the immense task of figuring out the logistics of the lot of them co-existing in the limited space of the _Millennium Falcon_.

Han Solo and Chewie were on the bridge, griping about the women taking over everything, including the running of their ship. A few minutes ago Leia had informed him that she would appreciate it if he took them back to Hoth. So now he and Chewie were getting the hyper-drive on-line for the jump.

In the quiet moments before the jump, Radek took the opportunity to approach Luke Skywalker. The young man seemed serene and wonderful and he wished he, too, could use the Force. He tapped Luke on the shoulder.

Luke turned around to see a strange man standing behind him. Radek, wasn't it?

"Yes?"

The man with the wild hair and glasses looked at Luke. Then he held out his hands. "Can I hold your light-sabre?" he meekly asked.

Fate saved Zelenka. Just then the _Falcon_ jumped to hyper-drive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"If we..."

"No, no, no! Rather..."

"Yes, but..."

"Check the math, it doesn't wor..."

"The algorithms of the..."

"Only if we use..."

"Bleep-bleep..."

Rodney looked down, frowning at the little blue and silver droid. "No, that wouldn't work," he loftily told it.

R2 nearly blew a circuit. They were going to blow up the whole ship! He knew he had to stop them from ever even touching the circuitry. So the little panel on his lower body opened and he promptly sent a small electric current through the two arguing men.

To one side B'Elanna was smiling. Her money was on the droid! Then she turned to Harry, who was standing next to her, also looking at the odd trio. "That's frightening! However did he understand the droid?"

Sheppard grinned. "You'll get used to them," he informed the _Voyager_ crew. "You should see them talking to Atlantis!"

B'Elanna grinned back at the handsome man. "I sometimes do that, as well."

Just then the ship jolted. "What was that?" Zalenka asked. R2 bleeped.

"We've dropped out of hyper-space," Rodney said as he translated the droid's answer.

"Definitely scary," Harry muttered.

But B'Elanna was already down on her knees, peering into the compartment beneath their feet. She slowly stood up, looking at them.

"Can you see what's wrong with the hyper-drive?" Rodney asked.

"No," B'Elanna calmly told him. The Atlantis scientist looked at B'Elanna in disbelief.

"I know you might not be as smart as I am, but even you should be able to identify the problem!" Rodney snapped.

B'Elanna snarled at the man. "If I had been able to look at the thing," she actually growled, "I would have been able to identify the problem!" Harry had taken a safe step back, dragging Sheppard with him. "But I can't identify the problem," the half-Klingon continued, "because there is no hyper-drive to look at!"

"What? What do you mean 'no hyper-drive?'" Rodney demanded. "There has to be a hyper-drive, because we were just in hyper-space!"

The two engineers ducked back into the small space, their bodies only halfway in.

Cadman looked at the two behinds sticking into the air. "You know, Rodney," she drawled, "your behind has improved since I was last in it."

Rodney hit his head on his way up. He glared at the young woman over his shoulder. "I thought we were never going to discuss that event again! On pain of being fed to a Wraith!"

Harry blushed, not exactly sure what they were talking about, but embarrassed none the less.

"And I thought we were never going to discuss the Iratus bug either," Sheperd said. "But you know how that worked out."

"Hey, idiot," B'Elanna called from below, "are you going to chat or look down here?"

Rodney disappeared into the space once more. "You used to be my favourite character, you know," he muttered as he laid behind-in-the-air once more." Then a deathly silence crawled out of the cramped space. "Oh, you still are," Rodney then said.

They both stood upright; Rodney flushed from hanging upside-down.

"So?" Sheperd asked.

"She's right," Rodney said. "There is no hyper-drive. It was there, but now it seems to be gone."

"How do you lose an entire hyper-drive?" Janeway asked, having witnessed the whole exchange from a careful distance...

The two women looked down at the hot piece of metal and tubing, a few sparks still snapping in the air around it.

"So," Athar asked Q, "how far do you think they'll get without a hyper-drive?"

The situation was tense in the engine-room of the _Millennium Falcon_, but it was about to increase in bounds. Han's worried voice came over the intercom: "People, we have a problem," he told the ship.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"We're back in the shi..."

"Ronon!" Weir warned. But she had to admit, they were once more standing amidst the reeking dung in the cargo hold. Unfortunately it was necessary, as it was the only place on the ship where all of them could fit at once.

"So, we are surrounded by these Imperial cruisers?" Janeway asked.

"Bad news cruisers, yes," Han Solo affirmed.

"And from what I've seen of this ship, it is no match for these cruisers?" she continued. Han glared at her.

"Listen, lady," he began. But Sheperd interrupted him.

"Captain Janeway is right, our puddle jumpers are more of a threat to an Imperial cruiser."

"Captain, if these cruisers are just half as bad as Solo said," B'Elanna added, "then we're in serious trouble."

"And without a hyper-drive, we're not going far," Paris added. Chewie screamed at him, but only Han seemed to have any idea what the creature was saying.

"Okay," Weir – the perfect diplomat – started. "So obviously we're going to need a plan to get out of this." She looked around. "Any ideas, people?"

"Does panic count?" Rodney asked, only a bit sarcastically. B'Elanna promptly decided that though the man was a – self-proclaimed – genius, he was just too much of a wimp. She wondered how he had survived through infancy.

"We could always try to negotiate," Tuvok calmly suggested.

"Unfortunately negotiations do not work with these people," Leia told the Vulcan.

"Those ships must be equipped with hyper-drives, right?" Rodney asked.

"Would a drive that power those ships fit into our little vessel?" Neelix asked; keeping Kes close by his side.

"Those ships have a lot of little ships in there," Han sarcastically told the Talaxian. "And they have plenty of spare parts for those little ships."

"Oh," Neelix said. "Okay, but how do we get onto the big ship first?"

"We'll simply allow them to reel us in," Han smugly informed them.

"What would that accomplish?" Rodney sarcastically asked the smuggler.

"Chewie and I will hide the lot of you in the smuggler's holds."

"But you will be captured!" Leia gasped.

"Probably, princess. But then you'll just have to come and rescue us, now won't you?"

"Well, then we will probably have to split into two groups. The scientists will get the hyper-drive and the rest of us will go and retrieve Han and Chewbacca," Weir decided.

"No, it won't work," Luke said, one of the first things he'd said since the rest had arrived on board. "Someone will have to disable the tractor-beam."

"Do you have any idea of its location, Mister Skywalker?" Janeway asked.

"Yes, I've seen the schematic of the Death Star, and the Empire doesn't change their lay-outs that much," the young man replied.

"Okay, then you will be in charge of that," she told him.

"I will go with him," Rodney volunteered.

"Forget it, McKay," Sheperd said. "I need you to go get the hyper-drive."

Soon they were in an intense discussion of who will do what. It was a short discussion, though, as the Imperial cruiser was already pulling the ship in. Rodney, B'Elanna, Harry, Teyla, Tom and the droids would be in charge of getting the hyper-drive and installing it. Luke and Ronon would get the beam, as that would be a stealth mission. Sheperd, Radek, Leia, Tuvok, Chakotay, Janeway and the Doctor would rescue Han and the Wookie. Neelix had decided he and Kes would stay on board the _Millennium Falcon_. With them would be Woolsey, Carson and a very reluctant Weir. Sheperd assigned Cadman to protect them.

Then everyone – except Han and Chewie – crawled into the smuggler's holds. Seconds later the ship was docked on the cruiser. From below the three crews heard the release of air as the air-lock was broken. Then the sound of a dozen booted feet assaulted them: the storm troopers had boarded the _Millennium Falcon_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"You think they're gone?" Neelix asked in the dark. For the past ten minutes the _Falcon_ had been quiet. It was reasonable to assume the storm troopers had gone.

Carefully the people crouching below opened the hatches. Soon all of them were spread out all over the ship. But leaving proved to be more of a challenge than expected. The one thing nobody had counted on was that there were at least a dozen storm troopers milling about in the docking bay. And then of course there was the lookout post just beyond, that kept constant vigil.

"How do you miss a whole lookout post?" Rodney McKay asked. Luke chose to ignore the man.

"I can help," Kes suddenly said.

"Kes?" Janeway prompted.

"Well, since we've gotten here, I've been feeling this weird sensation in my head." The dainty young woman looked around at the people, then Neelix took her hand in his. "Luke tells me there is something here they call 'the force,' an energy that surrounds everything and binds everything together."

"So? We all know about the force," Sheperd said. Weir glared at him.

"Well, I think I can use it," Kes said, undaunted. "Look." The Ocampa crouched down at the top of the ramp leading down out of the ship. Janeway, Neelix, Weir and Sheperd joined her. The blonde woman closed her eyes, and moments later the storm troopers ran to the far corner of the hanger.

"Come," the Ocampa woman whispered. Moments later she and the three teams headed out into the heart of the bigger ship. With hearts filled with fear, the five who will remain on the ship watched them go.

Leia – being a woman – had already given the route they would need to take to the brig some thought. A direct route would be foolish, so obviously they would have to take some kind of detour. Unfortunately she was starting to realise any indirect route would involve another jaunt through the garbage disposal system. She just hoped that the underwater snake thing was not a normal part of Empire garbage disposal.

"Just remember R2, use the computer terminal, not the power outlet. Really, last time you nearly blew a circuit!" the golden 3PO told his blue friend.

"Bleep-bleep," the smaller droid answered.

"My goodness, I never!" 3PO exclaimed.

Rodney leaned over to Teyla. "I'm really glad Atlantis is a lady and doesn't know such foul language!" Teyla merely nodded diplomatically, used to Rodney's random remarks.

"That's still scary," Harry said after seeing the Atlantis scientist understanding the senseless bleeping of the droid.

While Rodney and Harry had been discussing the former's ability to understand the droid, R2 had accessed the computer outlet and determined the best route to take to the storage bays. Fortunately the storage bays were not considered a major security risk: they would be able to take a nearly direct route without ever encountering resistance.

Kes rolled her eyes. She was wondering if the very big man was trying to show off his ability to sneak.

"Ronon," she told him, "this 'force' is very strong! I can have a path cleared of any storm troopers in seconds!"

Ronon looked down at the small woman. Normally he would attempt to shoot anyone so cheeky, but it would feel too much like hurting a child if he were to do anything to Kes. Especially since Harry Kim had told him the Ocampa girl was only tree years old!

The corridors were glaringly lit, but with the strange power of the force Kes was able to clear them without the storm troopers ever being aware they had been there. If Luke's memory of the lay-out of the ship was correct, then the tractor beam generator was just around the next corner.

B'Elanna, the eternal control-freak, was pushing the strange little floating platform on which they had loaded the new hyper drive they had looted. Paris had taken the other side of the platform without saying a word. Sometimes the cocky pilot could be a gentleman.

The seven of them rounded a corner; expecting it to be empty. But they surprised a stunned storm trooper, who instantly opened fire. But before the white-garbed soldier could get off more than a single round, Rodney McKay dived forward, grabbed the phaser stuck in B'Elanna's belt and shot him. It wasn't a very graceful leap and the Atlantis man ended up on his belly with a loud 'oomph!' That must have hurt, B'Elanna thought. Perhaps he was not as incompetent a being as she had thought, after all.

Disabling the tractor beam had been very easy. Ronon wondered if the people of this galaxy had ever heard the word 'security,' but hey, it made their lives easier. But he would have liked shooting one of those freakish white-armoured soldiers, though.

"Wait a moment," Kes suddenly said. The three of them came to a halt.

Just then the group with Paris and Teyla came around a corner. They were pushing a hunk of metal and Rodney was complaining about something while rubbing his chest. Ronon wondered what the man had done this time.

Within minutes – with Kes' help – they were back on the _Millennium Falcon_. The scientists and droids disappeared to the back of the ship. Kes and Teyla went in search of those who had remained behind.

They found a very smug Cadman and Carson sitting with a resigned-looking Weir at the little table at the dining-room. They were drinking the very bad coffee.

"Where is Mister Woolsey and Neelix," Teyla carefully asked. Cadman grinned.

"Are you aware these Starfleet guns have a 'stun' setting?" the blonde marine asked. Carson grinned. Weir rolled her eyes.

"There was no permanent damage done," Carson added.

Installing the stolen hyper-drive had gone remarkably smooth; they only had to adjust some minor settings. All that was left to do was a few more calibrations, then they were ready to go.

Ronon looked down at the whole thing, with B'Elanna swearing, Rodney muttering and R2 bleeping every once in a while. "So, after you've installed this thing, how are we going to get away from the big ship?" he asked.

Rodney's hands stilled. He looked up, finding B'Elanna already looking at him. He snapped his fingers, tilting his head as he thought up the most brilliant scheme in ages.

B'Elanna was waving her finger in his general direction, slightly frowning.

"You know, if we connected..." Rodney began.

"Yes," B'Elanna interrupted, "but how do get the injector..."

"We use the photon convertor."

"Okay, but then we would have to adjust the outflow on the main..."

"Bleep-bleep-bleep."

"Okay, but would that be enough of an explosion?" Rodney asked.

"It will be if we could synchronise the other ships," B'Elanna answered.

Rodney snapped his fingers. "I have something like that on my PDA we could use. We use it on the hive ships."

"You get on that," B'Elanna said. "I will set up the hardware. R2 can help."

The next moment the two human scientists and R2 disappeared into the bowels of the _Falcon_.

"Are we finally going to blow something up?" Ronon asked. Harry frowned.

"It seems that way," the young man answered.

They reeked. Again.

The rescue had gone well so far. Zelenka had easily gotten them through the security locks – the only problem had been with overriding the crushing feature on the garbage disposal units. But after a bit of muttering and hand-waving the scruffy scientist had gotten that solved as well.

The next step had been shooting a hole in the grille at the top of the garbage shoot. Then they had shot the grappling hooks and wound themselves up the sharp incline. Now they were standing in a dimly-lit corridor with holding-cells to either side. Fortunately the control-room to the brig was around the corner and down another long corridor; else they would have been swarming with storm troopers by now.

"Is it just me," Sheperd remarked, "or are there a lot of doors we need to check out?"

Tuvok thought about it for a moment. "Logic would dictate..."

Just then a loud scream came from a few cells on. It was followed by the distinct sound of a Wookie's howl.

"I know of only one Wookie on board this ship," Janeway remarked.

"Well, let's go save them," Chakotay replied. The seven rescuers readied their weapons and rushed down the corridor.

Darth Vader was frustrated. He had finally caught Han Solo, a known sympathiser to the rebel scum that had blown up the Death Star. But the man wasn't talking.

Solo screamed and the annoying Wookie howled. No matter, soon he would know the new location of the rebel base.

Moments later the door to the cell slid open. A random collection of beings stood on the other side. Among them was Leia, the princess leader of the rebels. Ah, so they had come for their worthless friends, he thought. Leia and three others were already aiming energy weapons at him. He slid his light sabre from its sleeve and activated the blade with a soft 'whoosh.' When they fired he was ready. Easily he deflected the energy blasts, felling the two guards with him in the cell. But another man was standing at the back of the group, holding an odd-looking weapon. This man calmly aimed the black weapon and fired once. The round moved faster than he could compensate and it hit him in the shoulder. Pain bloomed. Whatever the weapon had shot at him had passed right through his breast plate and now blood streamed down his arm.

He dropped the sabre as all sensation in his arm went dead.

"Come!" a man with a tattoo on his face yelled. Solo and the Wookie leapt up and rushed to the door. It was only a second that Vader was distracted, but it was enough for the prisoners to escape and lock him in the cell. As the door slid closed the strange-looking man at the controls to the door grinned at Vader and said to the one who had shot him: "Wow, you shot Darth Vader!"

"Apply some pressure to the wound," another, the bald man, said just before the thin line of light disappeared and Vader was locked in.

Their assault had not gone unnoticed. Suddenly klaxons blared and a half a dozen storm troopers came running around the corner.

"We've got company," Janeway alerted them. They swirled around and shot at the approaching enemy. It should have been an even fight, but it didn't take the rescuers too long to fell all of the troopers.

"They do not seem to be very efficient fighters," Tuvok remarked.

"They must be getting old," Leia sneered.

Though the half dozen troopers had been killed, they had only been the advance party. Stealth would no longer be necessary. Now they needed to shoot their way out.

"Thank you for the rescue," Han thanked them. The mottled group of fighters ran down the corridor, back towards the hole they had come through. But one of the troopers had fallen into it and was now wedged in. They would not be going that way again.

"We'll have to go on and fight our way out through the control room," Sheperd said.

"_What exactly is going on here?" the Continuum asked._

"_Yes, what have you done? Why are these people not where they belong?" the rest of the Ascended enquired._

They were not going out through the control room, either, Han realised. Not with the couple dozen storm troopers standing between them and the exit.

The nine people stood frozen. Han was sure the troopers were laughing at them behind their funny masks. What now?

Just when they were ready to surrender – again – a mighty blast rocked the ship. Nearly everyone was thrown to the floor. Only the bald-headed doctor from _Voyager_ and the Vulcan remained upright. Tuvok was already firing, blasting a hole through the troopers before they could recover.

Minutes later they were running towards the hanger and the _Millennium Falcon_. Every once in a while they had to shoot a stray trooper or two, but it was nothing they couldn't handle.

"Where did that explosion come from?" Leia asked.

"That explosion felt like Rodney," Zelenka replied. "Typical: you can't take McKay anywhere without him blowing something up."

"I bet B'Elanna had something to do with it, as well," Chakotay grinned, shooting another trooper that had come around another corner.

"Really," the Doctor suddenly wondered, "who designed this ship? There are more corners here than in a Vulcan maze!"

Finally they rounded another corner (Really! The Doctor thought) and saw the hanger through a doorway. It was in chaos. Whatever it was that had exploded, it had been in the hanger.

Suddenly, out of the smoke, Ronon appeared. Next to him was the diminutive Kes. "This way," the large man simply said. Without a word they followed him through the debris and safely onto the _Millennium Falcon_.

Soon after they were on board the ship (why were Neelix and Woolsey looking so drowsy?) and Luke had disappeared into the bridge. The engines flared and they were away. This time the hyper-drive worked perfectly.

"_PUT THEM BACK!"_

They finally came out of hyper-space close to Hoth – where they should have been from the start. Han sighed. Finally. Now they can sort out the problem of getting their guests back where they belong.

"I'll be right back, Chewie," he said as he went to check on his passengers.

As he entered the cargo hold, he found a wide-eyed Luke and Leia standing amidst a hundred Blase tree goats.

"They're gone," Luke said.

Sheperd blinked. He was sitting at the big table in the conference room on Atlantis. He was holding a steaming cup of coffee in a pose ready to take a sip. Carefully he put the mug on the table. He's not taking another sip of that brew again!

"There's still shi...dung on my boots," Ronon grumbled.

Somehow Paris had ended up suspended a few centimetres above his seat. With a 'oomph' gravity pulled him down.

"Interesting," Tuvok remarked. Paris looked at him. He grinned: it was time for a Star Wars festival! Neelix will approve: it will definitely boost morale on _Voyager_!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The two women stood in the middle of the reeking swamp: greenish mud dripping from their hair.

"Was it really necessary for them to drop us in the sludge?" Athar asked her bedraggled friend. Q glared at her.

"Was it really necessary for them to strand us without power on this mud-ball for two whole months?" Q shot back.

"This is not punishment; this is torture!" Athar wailed.

"Who be you?" a strange voice suddenly queried from behind them. The two women slowly turned around. There, on the shore, stood a funny, small green being. He was dressed in cheap home-made clothes and he had funny, pointed ears.

"We are the supreme beings Q and Athar," Q loftily replied. "Where are we?"

"On Dagobah you be, yeah," the being said.

"Well, we will be living on this mud infested-fermenting pool for two months," Athar said.

The being grinned and the women suddenly knew they were facing a master opponent. Their punishment was better thought-out than they had at first believed.

"We neighbours be, yes!" Yoda smiled.

The women wept.

_Author's note: we would like to thank you for bearing with us through this period of insanity. We enjoyed it, though; and hope you did as well. Till the next time!_

_The collaboration of Diabolical Pink Bunny and hubby along with Meagra Solace will hence forth be known as Infinity-R-Us. _

_This story will be posted under Diabolical Pink bunny for the rest of the month, but will be moved to Infinity-R-Us on the 1__st__ of May._

_**TO INSANITY; AND BEYOND!**_


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